Long Love Relationship

Know more about relationship than you will be sad anymore

Pretty and Hot Women on the Internet

As a recent Marie Claire/Esquire sex survey revealed, it isn’t just men going online for porn—a full 17 percent of American women are now clicking for kicks of their own. It also turns out that one in every four dollars spent on porn (including movies, sex toys, and phone sex) is spent by a woman. Curious what all the loud moaning is about? We drew up a short list of female-friendly sites that aren’t so mainstream.

First, a key for how hard-core each site is:

HOW HARD-CORE: xx

COST: Free

We know you’re no stranger to blogs, but erotic blogs—that’s probably another story. Gracie writes about her own sexcapades, and while there’s no plot, there is plenty of action—some of it questionable. (She’s into pain, choking games, and reclaiming the C word.) At least you won’t have to flip through those Harlequin books for the good parts anymore.

HOW HARD-CORE: xxx

COST: 8 cents/minute

As the name suggests, this one’s for us. Endorsed by postfem mag Bust, this site presents

So you know you are in for killer advice

It’s easy enough to follow tutorials on must-try sex positions or study up on technique with the help of videos, but what about the stuff that actually makes for a healthier sex life and a better orgasm? Below, instead of simply asking experts for sex tips, we pressed them to reveal what actually works for them in bed (personal examples strongly encouraged). Because if firsthand advice from sexologists won’t get you anywhere, what can?

1. Pucker Up

“This is so simple, but so necessary…and it’s maintaining the habit of kissing my husband before he leaves the house every morning. Research has shown that this (and a kiss before bedtime) is beneficial to any relationship, and it’s a great way to stay affectionate and connected even when time doesn’t allow more. Sexually speaking, it keeps intimacy on our radar, which helps us be more responsive other actions in the bed.” –sexologist Yvonne K. Fulbright, Ph.D.

 

2. Hit the Toy Store

“I’ve found one of the best ways to enhance my sex life is to introduce new products.

Blessed to See If It Would Improve Your Love

Just moved in with my boyfriend, James—in a foreign country, no less—so we’re currently enduring the weird transition of going from lovers to full-time roommates. He now knows what I look like when I fall asleep with a sheet mask on, and I now know what it’s like to fall into the toilet in the dead of the night because he left the seat up.

And if I’m being candid, Netflix—sans chill—has started to become our nightly routine, which is how we ended up here, drenched in hot oil and covered in rose petals for the sake of sexual healing.

Let me back up. To celebrate Valentine’s Day, James surprised me with a romantic weekend at the Four Seasons Resort in Langkawi, a group of islands on Malaysia’s west coast. We spent two totally blissed-out days lounging by the infinity pool and watching monkeys try to break into our private jungle villa, so as a “thank you” for the trip, I trea

Relationship just hugged and kissed you

You’re past the honeymoon phase. Way past it. Now you notice it’s been a week or three since you’ve had sex, much less had good sex. What can you do to get back in the swing of things?

Sounds Trivial, but Go on a Date Night
There are so many wonderfully comfortable parts about being in a committed relationship, but the whole “Let’s cuddle on the couch in our pajamas and watch television” doesn’t necessarily get either of you primed to tear each others’ clothes off. Schedule a regular night each week that you two can go out together, just the two of you. One married couple I know has a recurring Surprise Date Night, where each week it’s one of their turns to plan out a whole date and the other one is just given a time and place to show up. It can be as simple as a new wine bar in the neighborhood or as complex as rock-climbing, but it brings back the spark for them. Simple surprises (including gifts for no reason) go a long way.

Go Away Together
Shift the environment you’re having sex in and the

According to Real Women

If the phrase “familiarity breeds contempt” rings true, going through all the same motions in the bedroom, time and time again, doesn’t exactly help in the love department. Relationship experts recommend keeping things spontaneous (whether that means trying a different time, place, or generally being more adventurous in bed) to avoid falling into a cycle of boring “duty” sex, but also to foster healthy habits in a long-term relationship.

Below, we asked six real women for their favorite sex moves, then consulted sex experts for their tips on how to upgrade your own go-to moves so they feel new and exciting. In short, it doesn’t take a Kama Sutra master to have better sex, it’s really about breaking from habit, exploring the unknown, and enhancing what already works.

FAVORITE POSITION: I’m straddling him, reverse-cowgirl style, while he’s propped up on his back in the bathtub and I’m bracing myself against the sides or the wall.

WHAT MAKES IT SO HOT: I love it because I get to take charge and control the angle, and the warm water helps us relax. It’s also a nice change of pace from the routine, so

Because we are all thinking the same thing

1. The first time with your partner is never the best time. You’ve never seen each other naked. You have no idea how he is in bed. Is he going to be good? Is he going to think you’re good? Relax! He’s giddy as soon as you take your top off.

2. Foreplay is important. And don’t let anyone ever convince you of otherwise. Sometimes you have to walk before you can sprint, as they say. It’s more fun to slow things down and get into it before really getting into it.

3. If he ever (I mean, EVER) even begins to make a disparaging comment about your body, he’s garbage. Kick him out immediately and don’t look back.

4. NO baby talk allowed. Why would a grown man talk to you (a grown woman) like you’re a baby? Try leading by example with more age-appropriate dirty talk and see if he catches on.

5. Sex is inevitably funny. Weird noises, hilarious faces, and compromising positions are a-plenty. Acknowledge when something is funny and it will never be awkward.

6. If the rest of your clothes are off, take your socks off

Everyone During Sex

Sex. We all have it (some more regularly than others), and we all have ideas of what it should be: Erotic. Sensual. Um, sexy? In general, we imagine getting down completely devoid of smells and sounds and awkward moments. But the thing is—it isn’t. Because behind closed doors, there are moments of sex that are funny, and weird, and, well, downright awkward. AND THAT’S OKAY.

Here, common and embarrassing and weird things that happen during sex—and how to shake them off. (First tip: keep going.)

Uh, what’s that noise?

Queefing. Even the word itself makes us want to laugh. Look, if you queef (when trapped air leaves your vagina and makes a noise), just take comfort in the fact that you’re doing sex right. Thrusting and changing positions can all lead to the dreaded queef, and those are two damn good things.

The wet spot.

You know the one. Afterwards, on the sheets? That you both kind of roll away from and pretend isn’t there? Yeah it’s there. It’s totally there.

Since when did sex become a sport?

Knocking boots is one thing—knocking your head is quite another. And

Find the ways for you and your man to have the best sex ever

Be Confident

There was an episode of How I Met Your Mother where an average man, Mitch, reveals his trick to get women in bed – he strips down naked and waits for them to walk in. “The sheer confidence of the move is inspiring,” Rodney said, admitting a woman had done this to him. “I had been hooking up with a woman for a few weeks. When we got to my place I excused myself to go to the bathroom and when I got back she was just sprawled out on my bed, naked. I was immediately turned on.” We men are simple creatures. A little bit of confidence goes a long way, whether it’s stripping down without hesitation or telling us exactly what you want between the sheets.

Tell Us One Kinky Thing

We all have at least one thing in bed that is a bit…unorthodox, but feels lovely. “When I started dating my girlfriend,” Jeff said, “We were having perfectly nice sex. But three weeks in I lightly pulled her hair right at the base and she told me that she loved it. It’s not an every-time sort of thing, but I’m glad I

Is No One Using Lube

I know exactly what you’re thinking: “Why do I need to use lube if my body self-lubricates?” Because I say so, that’s why.

Okay, fine. You don’t need to use lube, but it’s the key to orgasming practically every time you have sex (with someone else or with yourself). And in a recent study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, a whopping 35% of women said they’ve never even tried it.

This makes me sad. Sure, I’m a guy, but I’ve been working with and writing about women’s health for years, and not to be presumptuous or anything but I kiiiinda know what I’m talking about. Like: If you don’t use lube, you may not produce enough of your own moisture, which can lead to vaginal dryness and painful sex. Lube can even prevent membrane tearing, says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First, which is good because tearing can increase your risk of contracting STDs and STIs.

The benefits? You can get to sex faster, you can more easily accommodate a well-endowed guy, flavored kinds make oral sex more fun, and you can get creative with where

Secretly Hate About It

There has always been an established mythos in the bedroom that, simply because male orgasms have sadly long been prioritized over females ones, every man finds every intercourse utterly ecstatic. It’s always the woman who is left looking askance and disappointed during the act, while the guy is gleefully grinning simply because our penis is inside something.

Well, *prepare-to-have-your-mind-blown voice* guess what? That’s not true. We are oft just as equally disappointed, thrusting away while looking askance, desperate for the lady we are with to tell us they’re too tired to continue, so we can mercifully roll over without getting off and pass the hell out.

There are so many things guy hate about having sex. Don’t believe me? That’s fine, because I just made a whole list to convince you otherwise.

1. We have to get hard way more times than you realize. It’s never one sex, one erection. That ratio rarely, if ever, occurs. No, the path toward doing it (especially the first few times with someone) travels a sinuously hot and cold route from coming home to finally banging. Yeah, it’s not the hardest damn thing in the

Taught About Monogamy

Rick was my first real boyfriend, my high school sweetheart, my date to four proms. He was the first guy I’d ever brought home who could look my mom in the eye. A nice guy. A year after Rick and I first started dating, I came home from high school one day and my father was gone. Just like that, he’d left my mother for another woman. I never dealt with the abandonment. Instead, I consoled myself with the knowledge that Rick loved me and would never leave me, not like my dad had. Never mind that he and I grew less compatible as we got older—he was everything my father wasn’t.

The first time I cheated on Rick, we were freshman in college and I was living in Mexico as a student abroad. I slept with a guy who worked behind the deli counter of the bodega on the street where I lived. I told myself, What happens in Mexico, stays in Mexico. I told myself it didn’t count.

Then it happened again, this time back on campus. One night I drunkenly stumbled home with

Orgasms on a whole new level

The first time it happened, my boyfriend Rick and I had been fooling around in the front seat of his late ’80s model Toyota Camry. Imagine hub cabs meant to look like rims, self-applied window tint, and two Midwestern teenagers working enthusiastically to get each other off.

Afterward, we looked down to discover that the seat below me was wet. I mean, really wet. Soaked as if I’d spilled his extra large Mountain Dew.

Since that awkward initiation, being a squirter is something I’ve come to own with pride. But back then, I was mortified. We thought I’d peed myself.

This was pre-Google, in 1996. There was very intentionally no Sex Ed at Bedford High in Bedford, Ohio, and the fact that we all bought into the mythical value of virginity had the unintended effect of encouraging creative experimentation. Oral sex was okay. Getting fingered. Basically anything besides s-e-x. By 16 years old, I would become one of those girls who had had anal sex and still called herself a virgin.

All this experimentation started two years earlier with a boy named Charlie. I’d thought

The Reason You Need to Tell Your Doctor

Six years ago, whips and chains were anything but mainstream. But thanks to literary juggernaut-turned-film-phenomenon Fifty Shades of Grey, everyone and their grandma knows kink. But what most don’t know is how concealing bedroom behaviors can hurt your health.

A study recently published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine titled “Fifty Shades of Stigma: Exploring the Health Care Experiences of Kink-Oriented Patients” revealed that less than half of BDSM practitioners (that’s bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, and sadism/masochism) confess their kinky lifestyles to their doctors, and most cite fear of judgement as the reason for their secrecy.

The stat suggests a pretty large community (accounting for 11-14% of Americans, according to rough estimates) is failing to get adequate health care because its members are afraid of what doctors may think of their bedroom behavior.

“Other sexual minorities, like those in the LGBT community, have all been found to suffer from health disparities,” says Jess Waldura, MD, medical director of The Alternative Sexualities Health Research Alliance (TASHRA), the team behind the study. “This shows up as poorer health, worse access to culturally competent medical care, and healthcare-related stigma.”

This prompted TASHRA researchers to dig deeper, and

Ways to Be the Best

When it comes to knowing what makes your partner tick in the bedroom, tutorials on “mind-blowing sex positions” only get you so far. To discuss a few practical ways couples can actually have more stimulating and gratifying sex, we sought out Dr. Bea Jaffrey—a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist based in Switzerland—and Mary Jo Rapini, a psychiatrist and sex therapist based in Houston. Below are some suggestions from Rapini along with tips from Jaffrey’s new book on overcoming common sex issues, 159 Mistakes Couples Make in the Bedroom.

Tell Him What Turns You On

Research suggests that better communication is key to better sex, and no, we don’t necessarily mean dirty talk. Communicating what you like and don’t like can be instructional and informative as you get to know each other’s bodies. If he’s doing something you like, say so rather than relying on ambiguous gestures or noises. And if it’s something you’re not into, communicate that or guide him in a new direction. Want to try a different angle? Suggest one. If simultaneous orgasm is your goal and you’re close to climaxing, don’t be mum about it.

 

Don’t Underestimate the Power of Praise

From hot baths to sex cocktails

No one actually needs to rally for the wonders of an orgasm when there’s enough research—as psychologist and sex therapist Mary Jo Rapini relates—that the tremor-inducing release of serotonin and endorphins can boost the immune system and decrease stress and anxiety. But when there’s still a wide “pleasure gap” to bridge in the current day—the term used to describe the slim number of women who report experiencing orgasms during sex (around one quarter to be exact) in relation to men—the main question is how. Below, we consulted advice from across the scientific spectrum, from medical studies to sexperts to sex therapists, on ways to enhance the female orgasm and feel connected to your partner without giving up your primal right to come.

1. Get Competitive

Sign up for a 5K race or schedule a game of tennis. Merely anticipating a competition triggers a 24 percent boost in testosterone for women, according to a study published in the journal Evolution and Human Behavior. And any increase in that hormone also drives up your libido, so consider it a win-win.

 

2. Turn Up the Heat

Prior to sex, take a hot bath,

The communication cues that say it all

The follow-up after a first date is rarely as simple as: “I like you, I had fun, let’s get together again.” First, there are layers of meaning in texts to unpack coupled with the actual timing: who reaches out first and how quickly does the other person respond? It can all feel like a giant chess match at times.

Either party can play coy because a) They don’t want to look too eager/desperate and b) They’re not sure how the other person feels (it’s scary to take the dive of expressing interest without being sure where the other person stands).

Despite attempts to put up an aloof front, though, there are a number a things men do to clue you in that they’re interested. Below, our guy expert Rich Santos spells out some of the motives and reasonings coming from the other end, to spare you the next-day mental math.

 

1. Completing the Date

Low bar, we know, but hear us out. While the act of simply seeing the date through to its end may seem like an obligation for most people, Santos indicates that there *are* exceptional dating

According to a New Study About Love

If you’ve been going through a bit of a dry spell lately, you’re not alone: Americans aren’t having as much sex as they used to, and that’s true no matter their age, gender, or wealth, according to a new study published in Archives of Sexual Behavior that found people are having less frequent sex than they did 10 years ago.

To conduct the March 2017 study, researchers at San Diego State University analyzed data from 26,000 Americans who have responded to questions about their sex lives since 1989. Overall, the researchers found that Americans had sex nine fewer times each year from 2010 to 2014 compared to 2000 to 2004. And Americans who were married or living together had sex 16 fewer times a year than the decade prior. (Cue the married-people-never-have-sex jokes.) This is a reversal from previous decades—in the 1990s, married people had more sex than never-married people, but that flip-flopped by the mid-2000s.

So why are people having less sex these days? Researchers say it’s all about having a steady partner. If you are married or living together, you’re more likely to have more sex, and the study found that there were

The Reason Be Painful on Your Love

There are so many ways for us to describe sex: exciting, thrilling, empowering, spine-tingling, sexy, (orgasmic?)—notice how we didn’t mention “painful” or “stinging.” You get the point. Sex should always feel pleasurable (unless, of course, you’re into some BDSM…).

But if you’re experiencing discomfort in your nether regions, abandon ship until you figure out what the hell is going on down there. To suss out your potential hangups, we spoke to sexologist Yvonne K. Fulbright, Ph.D., and Mary Jane Minkin, M.D. (and author of A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Health) to save your vagina and your sex life. Here, all your problems explained—and how to fix them.

Even though your vagina is a natural self-lubricator, if you’re not turned on enough or boozed too much at the bar, you could suffer from dryness. Just use lube, or for chronic issues, a vaginal moisturizer like Replens.

 

You’re allergic to your sex toys or products

While we’re on the topic, you can’t just go to the drugstore and buy the cheapest thing on the shelf. Lubricants are made with different chemicals, which can throw off your vagina’s pH balance—the same goes for

See Exactly What the Deal Is

I’ve had a strange fascination/obsession with masturbation sleeves ever since I went to an oral sex tips class in New York’s Soho neighborhood. The instructor demonstrated how using one with the head of the penis exposed could make a blowjob more pleasurable for both partners. I was perplexed and amazed. This simple, colorful sleeve seemed to take all the “work” out of giving a hand or blow job.

Recently, I’d also been thinking a lot about the social pressures we put on both genders when it comes to sexual pleasure. The clitoris is all but ignored, during sex. Men, on the other hand, feel a ton of pressure to perform rather than enjoy: They need to last forever and have a huge penis to display their manhood.

All of these absurd standards pretty much screw us all (and not in a good way), making the sexual experience so much less fulfilling than it could be. It’s a small move to shift the conversation from “you always have to last a long time” to enjoying the sexual experience—actually getting into it and allowing yourself to be present. Men are not just focused on wild

The Girl on Top on playlist

Hate to break it to you, Christian Grey—but we firmly believe that the hottest sex is when a woman’s calling the shots. And we want a soundtrack that sets the mood for exactly that. (Right, ladies?)

Enter this fierce line-up of ladies in the driver’s seat—including Rihanna, Ciara, Banks, FKA Twigs, and the legendary Nina Simone—who know what they want (and how they want it).

In order to keep things hot this evening, dim the lights and drop the needle on this 40-track playlist, which has been designed exclusively for *your* listening pleasure.
1. “Night Night” – Cashmere Cat feat. Kehlani

2. “Orion’s Belt” – Sabrina Claudio

3. “$ecret” – Goapele

4. “Keep Running” – Tei Shi

5. “Crush” – Yuna feat. Usher

6. “What is Love” – Kingdom feat. SZA

7. “Do Not Disturb” – Teyana Taylor feat. Chris Brown

8. “Keep On” – Kehlani

9. “So High” – Doja Cat

10. “Collide” – Justine Skye feat. Tyga

11. “Go All Night (Let Me Roll)” -Kelela

12. “Meet Me in the Middle” – Jessie Ware

13. “Body Say” – Demi Lovato

14. “Adore” – Cashmere Cat feat. Ariana Grande

15. “Undiscovered” – Laura Welsh

16. “Treat Me Like I’m Fire” – Lion Babe

17. “Wax” – Kilo Kish

18. “Come to Me” – Bjork

19. “Bank Head (Prod. Kingdom)”